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Feb. 20th, 2010

My issues

I hate crying, so I never do it... Every time I do it goes on forever and ever. I still can't believe it happened, then and there... In the gym, and I couldn't just calm down. Not only that, but my mom was getting all up in my face about talking about why I was crying. After seventeen years you would think she would know that I don't like telling my feelings.

Truth is... The whole eight months without dancing has really dug a deep whole in my heart... Especially knowing that a girl who used to be my best friend (who i've been competing with secretly) has gotten to where I've dreamed of being since I was little, and I didn't because I stopped dancing for other new things. Damn... I knew this day would come, didn't I? But it's been harder on me than I thought it would be :/ and I don't know how to cope with it

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Feb. 19th, 2010

Poetry Slam

So.... YES! We are first in our poetry slam! And of course, coach father person wasn't impressed at all. In fact, I don't think he likes the fact that this is the only thing I'm good at, but WHATEVER! I don't care! XP

I don't know why, but this whole situation with the halau thing is really bringing me down. I looked in the mirror yesterday, and I wondered who the hell i've become. Has this really the fate that has been waiting for me? Because I really don't think I would ever forgive myself for giving up something I truly loved. I mean, I worked so hard to get as far as I did, and I feel like I just gave up on myself. Hell, I probably gave up because of my pride and that's really stupid of me.

But anyways... We DID win and that's better than I thought I would do :). Now, we just have to wait until next week when we are in finals :Z

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Oct. 23rd, 2009

Hey!


Hey, Soul Sister - Train

Love this song... listen to it

Aug. 15th, 2009

Writer's Block: LiveJournal Book Club

Out of all of your favorite books, pick just one you'd recommend everyone read. As a bonus: why did you pick that one?
Hmmm... a book recc... I think I would reccomend The Foresaken by L.A. Banks... the only problem is that it is part of a series.

I would pick that one because it is a super sweet series, and it adds in so many religions, beliefs, superstitions, vampires/demons, and L.A. Banks is just a super awesome writer.

Lately....

I've been in trouble, and I totally forgot about my livejournall.... guess I'll keep this up just for the sake of my sanity... I deleted a post because I am still working on that story... thanks... peace :D

Dec. 5th, 2008

Here comes the bitch...

What I don't understand is why I have the worst luck in my life!  I can't believe the best guys who have ever been nice to me are just screwing with my head because they need something to boost their egos!  I think this is a bunch of crap!


Why will guys go through such great lengths to make themselves feel good, but they won't do crap as to change the way they treat girls for an honest-to-God relationship?

"I love you, I really do..." I get from him.
"Then why don't you act like it?  I don't believe you!  Why don't you prove it to me?"  I ask.
"I am not going to break up with my girlfriend for nothing."  He says, and he changes the subject.

This is what puts me off.  How can the stupid bastard say something like that?!?!?!  What am I?  Nothing?  Some invisible piece of nothing that has no emotions and is so worthless that I don't matter?

Then I get this, "Would you kiss me?"

WTFuck no I wouldn't kiss you, you fucking bastard!  You want to kiss me?  Kiss my ass and then let me kick you in the ball sacs so you won't be able to produce any jack-off mother fuckers like you!!!!!!

See... this is how I feel.  I don't know... maybe I have the worst luck with guys...the guy I was totally into at my school has his last day here today and he has to finish making up blocks at adult school.

What is up with me?
The guys I like either:
  1. Really horrible dousches
  2. Totally long distance
  3. Have a girlfriend
  4. Are really "Bad Boys"
  5. Don't finish high school the right way
  6. Haven't even tried finishing high school at all....
Wow.... this is interesting.  dear_avery... I need feedback and MAYBEEE even therapy!  D:

Dec. 2nd, 2008

hmmm....

Alright, so here is how my break has been...
  • Monday: I woke up at around 10 and cleaned my room.  We watched movies and the housecleaners came.  THen I went to the gym and dinner with my Grandma and sister.  I beat my sister btw... just so we make that clear.
  • Tuesday: I woke up at 9:30 to start tutoring myself in geometry while watching movies.  It was so dull and I am still not done... swear to God
  • Wednesday: Watched more movies, got fish for poke - I was talking to friends too because I just don't go days without talking to them
  • Thursday: Watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, Cooked all morning and spent time with Brandon, Lolo, Logan, and Gabe.... Tyler was a sitting duck
  • Friday: 4:00 AM wake-up... 3:00 pm leave
  • Saturday: Shopp
  • Sunday: church.... shop.... homework
And now I am left sulking because I am so confused I think way too much!!!!!!!

I have a question, why am I denied the very guy I like when every other girl gets every guy they want?  This doesn't make sense!  I am a good person and I am left with idiots who, if girls knew what they did, would really hate them to begin with.

I really don't understand how I can be jealous of my own cousin for getting all guys she wants when she cheats on her own boyfriend!  I don't understand how I can envy the very girls who eat guys up and throw them away.

Am I just guilty because I feel as if I could have prevented the very heartbreak that has made me this way?  Is it my fault that I have the conscience to help everyone else before being happy myself?  Why do I constantly contemplate life in the view of everyone else if everyone else doesn't think of me before their own happiness except for my parents.  Tell me... why me?

Nov. 1st, 2008

Writer's Block: Novel Ideas

NaNoWriMo starts today. Give us a one-sentence description of the novel you plan to write.
well... its about what life on the wildside would be like... as if I were to take different options and turns in life that I wouldn't have taken

Oct. 23rd, 2008

so basically....

I decided to join because dear_avery wanted to.  I wouldn't really know what to write in a blog because I just don't like talking about the "present" or "realistic figure" of myself for more than I have to.  I will probably be posting things that are on my mind, and it will be off from there.

So... dear_avery... HERE I AM!

XD

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